Lonnie plays 3 unreleased games for iPhone!
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This is part 1 of my video game commentary playthrough / walkthrough series of “Let’s play 3 unreleased games” for iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad, and any other iOS devices.
In this episode: Human centipede for a moment…
Dan The Man »
Angry Birds Blast »
Pac-Man Pop »
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hey you two about to go in my name is Lonnie today we're playing three soft-launched iPhone games if you don't know what a soft launch is is basically when a game is released in one country for like testing purposes and not out worldwide yet so these games are like unreleased but kind of release and we're gonna start it off strong with a game called dan the man this is a new game from Halfbrick the devs of fruit ninja and all those freakin games jetpack joyride you know the boy oh it's pretty friggin cool and it has a funny name so let's try it out man – Dan that's the one you see the one what the hell dude this looks really cool but it also looks very human centipede like what is going on over there I literally what even the hell are these terrorists so what is going on this is too real for me Dan alright we're going this way I can jump and I can punch the air take out all of Dan's aggression and he has a frickin lot of aggression did you see that trauma he just went through here to watch people they were so but two mouths right in front of his very eyes and his eyes are very let me tell you dude cuz once you see that you just can't unsee it I'm beating the hell out of this guy and now I'm gonna continue the Gulf's freakin cool I guess it's just like a normal platformer or not like an auto-runner cuz I could go this way I don't know why the hell I want to but I can I do have the ability to freedom and that was really easy to kill that guy all right give me some coins let me go ahh stop stop right now you're not gonna push me in the water you're not even gonna touch me because I'm the freaking I am Dan the man I can't be stopped and guess what I Drive a van what the hell I have a superpower now okay that's pretty good to know I don't know what this apples for is this a checkpoint is just a fruity checkpoint full of vitamin C I appreciate that thanks for playing anytime dude I mean this is weird of time as any to tell me that I'm gonna throw a freaking shuriken at this guy and then punch him to death cuz you gotta have some style some pizzazz to the murder otherwise it just gets repetitive you know what I'm saying I you know what I'm saying oh my god there's two boys you think I can't take this you think I can't freakin take my shuriken 'he's just become big old blast also what the hell kind of person am i there's a TV here can i watch this no I'm not gonna freakin watch this you almost tricked me made it seem so appealing I thought I was gonna watch some cartoons not some freaking advertisement the advertisements are really just the man's car to each is on man and out of projectile that makes me sad but I got this Apple now I got a checkpoint and some flying man what the hell do I even have to kill these guys can I just run okay woah chill out I could go inside the Hat knocking I can't go inside the house I have to knock first inside is a way too casual man to see me yeah I'm gonna spend my coins on nothing cuz it's five away from what I need I should have killed those guys God dang it I'm good I didn't want your wares anyways punching a barrel instead of any of these humans that are threatening me I appreciate the enthusiasm me but could you actually do something productive there we go cuz I appreciate the productivity even mold just destroy them in the corner they don't even they fight back a little bit but not enough for me to care I die there we go I go back to the store now the store closed is a freaking store closed I want to buy your wares I'm sorry for what I said nothing really works out in the life of Dan it seems I got to go ahead to go to go ahead you know what I mean this one's I'm freaking this is the longest level of my life this is Dan's entire life are the checkpoints just freaking oh god oh god not even saying sentences the water just makes me bounce it's just like normal water really I don't even know why I pointed it out what the hell cloud your trickery cloud there we go over here I have no idea where my go I can go in this store this game just seems like it goes on forever and ever I'm gonna buy this because it's expensive buyers frickin remorse I have a gun now which is a big improvement for Dan he's actually moving up quite well maybe this is like an endless platformer that would actually make a lot of sense but feel like I would have come to the end of a level by now maybe it just goes until I die which will never happen cuz I have an ak-47 look at me I'm very powerful I am an important person person in the room with the most gun is objectively the most important I'm pretty sure are you with me you won't also I'm out of gun and I spent a hundred coins on that what is my I wasn't bad in person bad purchase that was a bad investment damn I'm gonna let this guy kill me just to see what happens and by golly if that isn't difficult apparently nobody can kill me in less than like 15 minutes also I said by golly so I really just deserved to die I got somehow I'm alive again that didn't have been pan out the way I wanted it to survival is pain please just let me die officer I am mr. meeseeks look at me there we go negative tend to me to death I'm not gonna continue I just want to see what happens I think this is an endless platformer I figured it out that's actually really freaking cool I've never played an endless platformer before and I always thought that would be a cool idea that played like endless runners that seemed like platformers never just you know quite exactly what I said already a bunch of times we're gonna play the new Angry Birds game now and it doesn't look very good I like ro viola and I have refined myself often not being as harsh as I should be on some of the games that they make this looks dumb it looks like a dumb but I mean at the same time it's probably supposed to be right because this game is not for me it's for people who have and just some sort of empty void in their life and they need to fill them with the in-app purchase buying inside of matching game unfortunately I'm pretty sure all of those people took care of those inner demons those issues uh years ago candy crush where I guess in this case like poppy I don't know but I did just beat level one while barely looking at the screen and talking to you guys about how much fun I'm having just it's just not it's not bad it's not great it's just not interesting either this is not why I click on an angry bird on my phone these birds have nothing to do with balloons are they angry because of lack of creativity on their IP usage I make jokes sometimes with too many words for them to be funny one more level I'm gonna tap the blues and then maybe I'll even listen to what the bird says he's telling me what to do all Phil an awful lot like some sort of tutorial bird I didn't sign up for this I don't even know why you need a tutorial you're just popping balloons target complete and I completed an entire chain of grocery store Santa bored gotta go okay pac-man pop um I mean he looks cute I'm not gonna freakin lie about that definitely looks happy I don't on the contrary look it do I look we're not the same here clearly okay play button doesn't work are you joking it's not letting me play I'm this is the most important button in any game just objectively the game that the button that lets you play the said game yes this is not actually a game I lie this is an animation pac-man pop it's just a movie really look at they do you see the story arc unfolding before your very eyes guests will reboot this we can't play we just can't play and I'm not even mad because this looked really bad also it looked really pretty similar it's like a freaking bubble bobble over which boy with Pac Man this game exists maybe you can play it I can't I'm not really complaining it didn't look good pretty sure all of these games are available in Australia if you're free if you want somebody to blame for Angry Birds and pac-man balloon boys and smut Australian crazy Australians definitely do love your games and/or menu screens that don't work check out Dan the man it was actually fun and not the other one freaking vlog over here for watching there's some links down here for following just for you though I mean you just do what you want thank you a lot for your time and attention I appreciate you genuinely using it anyway since we are making this about money and absolutely nothing else I do happen to have some free ad space right here on my soul in case you wanted that actually was a getting a call oh oh okay okay so that space is actually taken now sorry you guys freaking waited too long better luck next time